This time a year ago….. Our Maybe Baby

It’s amazing how much life can change in 12 months. 12 months ago we just landed in South Africa for a 3 week stay visiting The Retro Hubbys family.  We had a surprise for everyone, 2 weeks earlier our pregnancy test was positive. We had been trying for baby number 2 and hoping by the time our trip happened that we would be pregnant. The week before our holiday I went to my family Dr, who I adore – We were by my calculations almost 7 weeks pregnant. Anyway was we were travelling to South Africa, my Dr insisted that I have an ultrasound before we leave to make sure that the pregnancy was not ectopic, and to confirm dates. The day before we were due to Fly to South Africa we had our scan and everything seemed fine. The lady doing our scan confirmed a pregnancy. I then went to work and as it was my last day before leave, I worked back 45 minutes. I was in a tunnel on the train coming home from work when my phone rang. It was my Dr. She was talking so fast and I couldn’t understand her. All I could hear her say was that there was a problem with my scan and no heart beat and I had to come and see her right away. I told her that I was on the train and the phone cut out. I tried my best to take in what she had told me. Then it all hit me in a huge wave. I was sitting in the middle carriage of the train. It was packed shoulder to shoulder. I was sitting up against the wall. All of a sudden I couldn’t breath…. I started gasping loudly for air like I was dying and sobbing at the same time. Tears were running down my face and I was still making these awful noises. Not one person looked at me. Finally my stop came. I got off the train and called my husband who was coming to pick me up. I couldn’t talk all I could do was wail in tears trying to tell him that the Dr had called. We got to the Dr at 6.30pm and waited 2 hours for her to see us. She confirmed that we were pregnant, but there was no heartbeat . A Blighted Ovum. I had never heard this term before. ” When a fertilized egg implants in the uterus but doesn’t develop into an embryo” She told me that there was a high chance we would miscarry whilst on holidays and because of my medical history we would have to go to the hospital straight away. She printed my medical history off to take it with us. I don’t think I really slept that night before our big trip. I just couldn’t comprehend how this had happened. What had I done wrong. The day of our flight – we got to the airport early. We had breakfast at one of the cafes. I sat opposite The Retro Husband with tears dripping into my breakfast. I just couldn’t smile. I just kept on crying. IMG_0556   Going on holiday was a great distraction. We have the most wonderful family and it was so special spending time with them. We told everyone what the Dr had told us – that we were pregnant and no heart beat had been detected and the chances of us miscarrying would be high. All we could do was be positive and hope. If we hadn’t miscarried on holidays we would have another scan back in Australia. It was a weird time, but great to be surrounded by family. It was a blessing for what would have been an excruciating wait had we have been at home. Every single night while away I asked The Retro Husband, “Do you think there is a baby in my tummy” every single time he said YES. He is amazing. Here are some of our happy snaps from our time away. You wouldn’t know from looking that we had a big cloud hanging over us.

Like all holidays, it was over in the blink of an eye. The moment we landed, I called the ultrasound office and made an appointment for that friday as we were yet to miscarry. The day of our appointment, I could hardly talk to the ultrasound technician. I couldn’t answer her questions without choking. She started moving the want over my belly…. all I prayed to see was a heartbeat…… Instead what we saw was so much more. A body, arms and legs…. and thats when I lost it. I cried tears of relief and tears of happiness. It was such a long wait to get to that point. I’ve never wanted something so much in my whole life. And that was this time last year – the start of our baby Lucielle who joined us in June this year. IMG_4556 This honestly felt like the longest pregnancy in the world and it was such a relief once she was safely out in the world with us.

The rest is history and our family is now complete

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6 thoughts on “This time a year ago….. Our Maybe Baby

  1. Such a lovely ending! We went through the same thing (twice sadly) but with a very different outcome. Thankfully we got our second little man eventually and our family is also complete 🙂

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    • I know quite a few people very close to me who also had the same experience. Being so close to them my heart broke when theirs did. And that is why I couldn’t relax until she was in our arms. We had another scare as we were due to leave the hospital where her umbilical stump came away and she almost bled to death, which made us again realise you are new out of the danger zone.

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    • Oh yeah- she was such an awful pregnancy! Our dr joked we’d had so much drama that she would be a girl. So the irony that the dram queen arrived on queens birthday long weekend. Our dr also said that it was our positivity which got her here into the world. I WILLED her into existence and will never take her for granted 🙂

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